Tuesday, July 12, 2005

You know you've been in China for too long when...

Some interesting articles submitted by expats in ShanghaiExpat.com.......

You know you've been in China for too long when:

  • You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor (of course after making a loud hocking noise)

  • You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading

  • You throw your trash out the window of your house, your car or bus you are on

  • You would rather SMS someone than actually meet to talk 'face to face'
  • You wear nylons when it is 30 degrees outside

  • You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk

  • You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 10 cen despite 10 people waiting in line behind you

  • You have a pinky fingernail an inch long

  • You ride around on your bicycle ringing a bell for some unknown f***ing reason

  • When shopping at Carrefour some laowai stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai's eat.

  • You haven't cut you finger nails in 8 weeks.

  • In a meeting you say everything will be 'wonderful' and give no details.

  • You forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start

  • You burp in any situation and don't care.

  • You see one foreign person eating Pineapple (or whatever) and say "Yes, all foreign people like Pineapple

  • You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the governments great work.

  • You think Pizza Hut is high-class and worth queueing for.

  • You go shopping to buy gifts for a future business partner, just to 'smooth things along'

  • When you sit in the restaurant with your finger up your nose to your elbow and stare at the laowai. Then you pull it out, inspect it, roll it into a ball and casually flick it onto the wall or the closest person's plate

  • In the rain, you spot a vacant taxi which is 10 minutes away and you have already planned how you are going to jump out with great enthusiasm in the road, elbow everyone else trying to claim it, and wave your hands everywhere in a 'look at me I'm a goal keeper' kind of fashion
  • The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.

  • You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.

  • You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.

  • It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.

  • It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting.

  • You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply "Up To You".

  • You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes.

  • You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.

  • You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that the car is "Broken" and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it "Fixed".

  • You find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.

  • You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your trousers, or you have your suits made with terrycloth pockets.

  • A T-Bone steak with rice sounds just fine.

  • You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.

  • You regard traffic signals, stop signs, and copy watch peddlers with equal disdain.

  • You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.

  • When listening to the pilot prove he cannot speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controller.

  • You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.

  • You have more knick-knacks than your grandmother.

  • You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.

  • You understand all the above listed references.